Mormon Tourettes

Brothers and Sisters. I wish to share something of the utmost importance. There is a disease spreading through the members of the church at an alarming rate. This disease seems to know no boundaries. It spread across rural areas, cities, countries, and even oceans. There is no known cure for this disease but it doesn't appear to affect everyone.

The disease seems to specifically attack primary children and youth, although it has been known to attack adult members too.

The disease of which I speak is the dreaded 'Mormon Tourettes'.

Primary and youth teachers are asked to be especially vigilant in identifying any instances of this disease. Leaders have been counselled to seek out the victims of this disease and then report back to church offices in Salt Lake City. Once it has been detected the MDC (Mormon Disease Control) will be sent to your local unit to help quarantine the infected individuals.

The disease can be detected by asking simple gospel questions. If they give a reasoned, well-thought-out answer then they are fine. If, however, they automatically shout out random answers then they may be infected. Key answers to look for in infected individuals include (but are not limited to):

• Prayer
• Read scriptures
• Pay tithing
• Go to church
• Go to the Temple
• Keep the commandments

Parents, specifically, are asked to pay close attention to their children during Family Home Evenings as the disease appears to spread most quickly and be most noticeable during Monday evenings.