Just to warn you this is going to be an Alisha's random thoughts post. And though I normally try to be extremly positive and uplifting right now I just cant do it. I feel like for the last couple of months life has been a big long drawn out BLAH!!!!! I feel like I get up in the morning, clean the house, look after the kids, Feed the kids, play with the kids, make dinner, bath the kids, put the kids to bed and then Siena is up about every 30 minutes wanting to be nursed (for comfort) or just wanting me to lay with her until I go to bed. At which time I quickly say my prayers, lay down with her get up five or six times a night with her to nurse her until 7:30 am when I get up and get to do it all over again. Waiting for us to finally move has been so difficult. I dont know what we are doing from week to week. Everyone wants to know when we are going or when we are going to be there and I just dont have an answer. On top of that Ive not had a car for over a month and seeing as my DL has now expired even if we got one I would not be able to drive. So I am trapped. Here at home going even more crazy. I do catch the bus to town once a week but anywhere else we have to go we have to walk. Siena needed to get her 1 year shots the other day so we walked 3 miles to the Dr got her shots and then turned around and walked 3 miles back. By the time we were coming home both Kaylee and Spencer were crying we need the toilet, our legs hurt, Im tired, etc etc. School starts next week and until now we had planned on not having the kids go back. Hoping that we would have sorted out a job by now in the states. But we havent received what we would consider the "ideal" job offer. In fact we turned one down this week. So now from Tuesday I get to walk 2 miles to school with the kids in the morning 2 miles back, then 2 miles to get Spencer from school and 2 miles back and then 2 miles to get kaylee and 2 miles back. Yep 12 miles a day. I am trying to look at it really positive and thinking man by the time we do finally get to come home I could be skinnny :) I just sit here and think I dont really know what I am doing. Where I am going. I feel lost, like I am hardly keeping my head above water and in the meantime I am slowly drowning. Maybe its a bit of depression creaping back up. I dont know. All I know is that I hate this feeling. I dont feel like I am the mom my children need or the wife that Lee needs when I feel like this. Im praying that the company we want will offer us something next week so that we can have some definite plans and sort things out for good. If not I am not sure what I will do knowing that we have to be here until November or maybe longer :(
2 comments:
Keep your head up! You are a very strong woman and you have been through a lot harder things then waiting (and very close) to moving to the United States! Just remember it is worth it! You would have killed to be this close to coming home a few years ago. You are right walking 12 miles every day....... You are going to be in great shape. Hang in there!
Ugh, I know that feeling, I was without a car for 18 months, so I was housebound too, and it's a trapping feeling but each day is a day closer to being where you want to be. At least winter hasn't hit yet so you don't have to walk in the cold cold weather. Before you know it you will be here and settled, I know it's so hard waiting for your dream, but the rain always comes before the rainbows doesn't it. Keep your head up and try and distract yourself in the meantime so you can enjoy your last couple of weeks/months in beautiful England:)
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