WB day who knows anymore Gestation 23 weeks and 5 days

I wanted to post all day yesterday but I was having a very emotional day. I actually still find this all really difficult. I know that it is a very short space of time but it is emotionally and physically draining.

I was so excited to meet with the pediatricians yesterday because I was thinking we are 23 weeks now so everything will be fine.... WRONG! Yesterday the Dr told us 23 - 24 weeks give the baby a 1% chance of survival. That is ok to me though because I am almost 24 weeks. He then said the chance of survival jumps up to about 10% at 24 weeks and with every day between 24 and 25 weeks it goes up by an additional 4%. at 25 weeks a baby has 50 - 60% chance. But if you get to 26 weeks a baby has 80 -90% chance and the same percentage live with no long term side effects. Right ok so I have to get to 2 weeks like I did with Spencer. Only 2 weeks and 2 days. I should be able to do that.... except that I am contracting all day long. My WBC (White Blood Cells) are raised again my temp is a little high and I feel unwell in myself these last few days. All of these things together are the sign of onset infection. If I contract infection then I will have to deliver immediately. I wont delivery before 24 weeks because no matter what unless I am dying I am not going into the hospital before monday when I am 24 weeks and 1 day.

The second blow to me was when we asked if they have the facilities to handle a baby born at 24 - 26 weeks. The answer was no. So I said ok then we will be transfered to Birmingham is that correct, see Birmingham childrens hospital is only 12 miles from our house. His response was no unfortunately because Birmingham is such a busy hospital we will not be able to transfer you there instead if the baby is born before 28 weeks we will have to transfer you to Leicester or Stoke.... WHAT?!?!?! My thought was are you kidding me? He must have sensed that from the look on my face. Leicester is over an hour away from our house. Stoke is about 1 hour and 20 minutes away. Seriously...... You have got to be kidding me. This all means to me that our baby will be far away from us and I will not be able to visit her everyday. I remember how difficult it was to have Spencer in the Hospital only 10 minutes up the road. In the night when they rang us and said we dont think he is going to make it through the night you need to get here now we were only 10 minutes away. Can you imagine driving over an hour with not knowing what is going on with your baby? To be fair the hospital we are at now is 40 minutes away but at least that is a bit closer.

So as you can imagine I felt like it was all a bit of a blow yesterday. I just feel so sad. I found myself dropping to my knees pleading with the Lord for comfort, for the knowledge that all will be well. And he has again provided me with that. I just need to be praying for strength everyday and comfort as well. I know we all go through trials for a reason. I also know that by going through this trial my faith is strengthened even more than it as before. Each trial makes us stronger. And they help us to become closer to the Lord. I know that the Lord can provide us with the strength to get through any trials which we have if we have faith and rely on him.

So that is the latest. Sorry if I am not all flowery about it all. I said to Lee yesterday I feel like I have to be so strong for everyone else. I try to talk so positive about it all to everyone and I rarely cry infront of anyone other than Lee. Unfortunately my mom got some tears yesterday as well as my mother in law. I tried so hard to keep it together with everyone else.... maybe a few cracks in my voice but that was all.