Help....

Ok so this is my ranting post. My Dark post. My I need help, the Lords help post. I hate my ward. A number of you will know why. One reason is the fact that no one talks to us. Lee and I have been put into a calling some would call a shut me up calling. We teach the Valiant 11's and guess how many kids are in our class..... 2. We walk into church and from the moment we walk in until the moment we leave no one talks to us. Except to tell us that we cant leave Spencer in the Nursery because they know he will cry. I feel no spiritual upliftment from or ward. Some of you may think that I am imagining it but I will tell you this, ever since my post about Prop 8 life in our ward has been hell. That is the post which made me go private on my blog. After the bishop told me that I did not have Freedom of Speech and that if I want to continue living in the UK I need to forget about being an American because it is not a part of me anymore I lost a lot of respect for him. I didnt understand how a man called of God could be so against me saying my feelings about this proposition on my own blog. I got calls from members of the ward telling me what a terrible person I was. And since then life in our ward has been literally hell. This is not the only thing that has happen. At the same time I was in YW presidency and asked to be released because I wasnt able to attend the weekly activities because Lee was away a lot. I did attend all that I could but after getting a sister from the ward to watch the children one night and it being a terrible experience I decided that my family would have to come first. I was then told that since I wasnt attending the mid week activities I would not be entitled to a Temple Recommend. Obviously at that point I asked to be released. But that didnt go over with the bishop. He told me to just try it out for a bit longer. I then had spent over £100 in one month on YW, for petrol and a few supplies then the YW president asked if I would take the girls to the seaside. Lee was home this week in particular so it wasnt a problem but I said to her I need to be reimbursed for the cost of the gas. That day while announcing the activity to the Young Women she said (and I am not exagerating) We were going to provide a BBQ at the beach but sister whitfield cant afford the petrol so instead of us providing a BBQ you all need to bring your own food so we can pay for her petrol. Is there anything more embarrassing that than? I went straight to the bishop and said I want to be released now. So all this together was not a good thing in our ward and ever since no one talks to us. If people catch our eyes then they do say hi. But no one goes out of their way. I know people keep saying you just need to try harder, but I dont know how much harder I can try. I cant stand being at ward activities by ourselves, I cant stand being looked through. Once I was standing in the hall talking to a member of the RS presidency about something I was doing for enrichment (they do talk to us if they need us to do something or if their computers are broken, we have 2 broken computers in the hall way of ward members now) and another sister walked up and said to the other a bunch of us are going to the cinema on Friday do you want to go. I looked at her and she said oh it is just us who have been in the ward a while. I've been here 4 years when do you finally get to be a part of the ward?

I dont know how much more I can take of this. I will be honest with you I hate going. When I feel just a little sick or one of the kids has a little cough I stay home. As often as we can we go to other wards. I pray all the time asking Heavenly Father to Please bless me Please give me the strength to get over this trial. I just dont know what else to do. I dont want this to beat me. I have a very strong testimony but I feel like I get nothing from being at church. I am fighting with Spencer during lesson time and sacrament. On a sunday morning I feel angry. In fact I dont just feel it but I am short with Lee and the kids. We dont have the TV on before church and have church music playing We have even been saying a prayer before we go to church to help us feel the spirit We have fasted for strength but I dont know what else to do. Please someone help. Please let me know what I should do. I really need help. I dont want to feel like this on a Sunday anymore. But I honestly dont know what to do!!