CrAzY

Just to warn you this is going to be an Alisha's random thoughts post. And though I normally try to be extremly positive and uplifting right now I just cant do it. I feel like for the last couple of months life has been a big long drawn out BLAH!!!!! I feel like I get up in the morning, clean the house, look after the kids, Feed the kids, play with the kids, make dinner, bath the kids, put the kids to bed and then Siena is up about every 30 minutes wanting to be nursed (for comfort) or just wanting me to lay with her until I go to bed. At which time I quickly say my prayers, lay down with her get up five or six times a night with her to nurse her until 7:30 am when I get up and get to do it all over again. Waiting for us to finally move has been so difficult. I dont know what we are doing from week to week. Everyone wants to know when we are going or when we are going to be there and I just dont have an answer. On top of that Ive not had a car for over a month and seeing as my DL has now expired even if we got one I would not be able to drive. So I am trapped. Here at home going even more crazy. I do catch the bus to town once a week but anywhere else we have to go we have to walk. Siena needed to get her 1 year shots the other day so we walked 3 miles to the Dr got her shots and then turned around and walked 3 miles back. By the time we were coming home both Kaylee and Spencer were crying we need the toilet, our legs hurt, Im tired, etc etc. School starts next week and until now we had planned on not having the kids go back. Hoping that we would have sorted out a job by now in the states. But we havent received what we would consider the "ideal" job offer. In fact we turned one down this week. So now from Tuesday I get to walk 2 miles to school with the kids in the morning 2 miles back, then 2 miles to get Spencer from school and 2 miles back and then 2 miles to get kaylee and 2 miles back. Yep 12 miles a day. I am trying to look at it really positive and thinking man by the time we do finally get to come home I could be skinnny :) I just sit here and think I dont really know what I am doing. Where I am going. I feel lost, like I am hardly keeping my head above water and in the meantime I am slowly drowning. Maybe its a bit of depression creaping back up. I dont know. All I know is that I hate this feeling. I dont feel like I am the mom my children need or the wife that Lee needs when I feel like this. Im praying that the company we want will offer us something next week so that we can have some definite plans and sort things out for good. If not I am not sure what I will do knowing that we have to be here until November or maybe longer :(

YAY for VISAS

Last week Lee got his visa! I cant wait to go home but at the same time I am going to miss all our friends and family here terribly. We are now waiting for a job that is suitable for our whole family. We have had offers now but none which really just make us so excited. There is one job on going which we have a great feeling about and really hope that they offer a job. Lee has more interviews with them this week and hopefully all will go well and we can get an offer from them in the next two weeks at which time the kids and I will fly home and Lee will follow us very shortly there after.

Best Digital Forensic Podcast Award

I just needed to give a shout out to Lee. He was in TX last week to present at a conference some research that he has been doing. While there they had the Forensic 4cast Awards. OK OK I know this is his podcast and the awards are put on by him but here is how it works. People in the field nominate people for different categories in which they might receive an award. The top 3 people, product or company with the highest nominations then go out for a public vote. The winner of the public vote then wins the award. Lee created these awards 3 years ago after I suggested it to him. Since then they have gained so much momentum and have actually become a big deal in his industry. This year Lee's podcast was nominated for Best Digital Forensic Podcast. Each week leading up to the actual awards ceremony he kept saying to me, dang it I'm winning or Oh man what am I going to do I cant win my own award. But I kept saying to him why not? He didn't cheat, he didn't vote for himself, he actually wanted someone else to win so it didn't look like a fix, he won it fair and square. When he left for TX on the Sunday night he said I'm going to give it to the runner up and just say they were first. But when he was actually presenting the awards he must have changed his mind and he did award it to himself also saying that his podcast will not be up for nominations next year. I have made a few suggestions for the awards next year which will make a huge difference. One thing is that it will bring in a lot of revenue for his podcast.

Lee does so much for us here. He works so very hard to make sure that we have everything that we need. He also does a lot for his industry and the Digital Forensics field. He has done so much research, is still in the process or developing software which will make the way they work easier. He is such a great husband and father too. I love him very much. He is truly the perfect eternal companion for me.

Spencer Time

On Wednesday we had to take Spencer to Birmingham Childrens Hospital so they could have a look at him and then decide whether or not they want to do an operation on him. The outcome... Yes they need to operate. He has another Hernia. The problem that we have is that since he has had an operation there before they are concerned that if they operate again the scar tissue could cause big problems with him having children in the future. So they have decided this time they will do Key Hole Surgery through his Belly Button. My poor little boy has no idea what is going to happen to him. I hate when he has to have operations. This is his 3rd in total. Last time when he was coming out of the anestetic he was not very well. Plus I hate having to make him fast. It is very difficult to tell a 4 year old that they cant eat until after the op. This all has to do with him being so premature. Hopefully this will be the last thing he has to go through. My poor little man.

We had decided that while we were so close to Costco we would run there to get a few things but his appointment took less time than expected so we had a few hours to kill before we were able to go to Costco so we went to the BullRing shopping Center. While we were there we went into the Entertainer, a toy shop, and looked around. We also took some funny pictures of him that I thought I would share on here.

I sure love this little boy. When I think about how far we have come over the past 4 years it is just amazing to me. I am daily seeing blessings from our Father in Heaven with this little man. When he was born they said IF he makes it then it will take years for him to catch up with other children. They said by the time he was 8 or 9 he should be caught up to children his age. That was very wrong with this little man he is already completely caught up and in some ways pass other children his age. I cant imagine a single minute of my life without Spencer. He is so special to me.

My Letter to Siena

15 August, 2010

Wow what a whirl wind the past few months has been. I don't know where to begin other than to thank my Father in Heaven. I have spent the past three months on a roller coaster one which ended just two days ago with the most miraculous gift from my Father in Heaven. We have been blessed with the arrival of another perfect daughter. This one seems like so much of a miracle to me and I cant not for a single moment begin to thank my Father in Heaven enough or all of our family and friends for all the prayers and fasting. Siena, for months we have been told that if you arrived you would be a miracle and that you are. The past few days when I look at you I know for sure that you are a miracle. As I sit here in my hospital room I stare at your pictures and thank the Lord every minute for you. I love you so much more than you could possibly imagine. I have loved you from the minute I knew you were going to be part of our family. My love intensified for you every time the Dr's told me you were not going to make it. My testimony has grown because of you, my faith has grown because of you and my desire to serve the Lord every day of my life has grown because of you. I live every day of my life for you and your brother and sister. I do everything I do to try and make you and your brother and sister happy. You are my life. Without the three of you there would be no reason for me to live. Even though I know you have a long road ahead of you before you get to come home I already know that you are stronger than any Dr can imagine. You just like your brother and sister, who too are miracles in their own rights, have a special mission here. Already when I look at you I cant help but smile. My heart aches to hold you. I don't know if you know it but I sit outside your incubator and sing to you each day. Tonight as I visited you we had our first prayer together and I thanked my Heavenly Father for you. Thank you for bringing me so much happiness in only the two short days you have been here so far. I know that throughout your life you will continue to bring so much joy and happiness to your daddy and I. We look forward to being able to being able to teach you, to love you and to eventually spend eternity with you. Siena you are a miracle to me. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me already. I look forward to learning so much more from you. And watching you grow into a beautiful woman. I love you baby. I always will love you now and forever!

Love Forever,
Mommy

(**In the almost 9 months Siena has been a part of our family she has brought so much happiness. She has been so different from her brother and sister. But all the sleepless nights, the clinging to mommy and everything else which she shares with us is a blessing and I honestly thank my Heavenly Father for every night when she is up because I know that she is here against all the odds. I love her so much and my love continues to grow every day. I look at her and just know that she is so special. I love you babes and my love will continue to grow for you every day of your life and into eternity.)

My Letter to Spencer

21 April 2007

In my journal at home I have a paper in which I wrote down my feelings and emotions from when Kaylee was born and before I forget hoe I feel I want to do the same with Spencer. On Thursday the 19th of April 2007 at 5:53 pm we were blessed with the chance to raise a son, Spencer Thomas Whitfield. He was born 14 weeks early and weighed 2 pounds. I dont want to say to much about the delivery except that it went quick I arrived at the hospital not dialated at all and an hour and 45 minutes later our beautiful baby boy arrived. I am not affraid to admit that when he was born I was so scared. I was crying begging the Dr's and pleading with my Heavenly Father to please bless and save my sweet baby. I cant express the feelings I have for Spencer from the moment he was born. You think you love them before they are born but once they arrive that love increases a million fold and straight away you know that you woudl give and do anything for that little helpless child. I havent yet been able to hold Spencer. I am not sure when I will be given that chance. I sit next to his incubator and watch him fight for his life all the while I am praying and again pleading with my father in heaven to just give him a chance to live, to grow, to become the wonderful son, brother, man, missionary, father, husband that I know he can and will be. I can not begin to express my love and gratitude to my father in heaven for what he has given me and I just know that he has more blessing in store.

I know the road ahead is going to be difficult. And I think I am prepared to accept whatever outcome happens because I know that families are forever. I know the Lord will continue to bless our little family. I am so grateful that he has trusted Lee and I with Spencer. When I look at him I feel so much love. He is so special and I know that he has been sent to Lee and I at this time for a special purpose, he must have a very special mission. I am looking forward to the time we get to spend with him to watch him grow. To teach him the ways and will of the Lrod and to eventually send him on a mission. To see him find his eternal companion and get married and enjoy the blessings of the temple himself.

Spencer I hope that someday when you are old enough to read this letter that you will know just how much I love you. I have prayed for you from the very moment you entered this world and I will continue to do so for the rest of your life. You are so helpless right now but I know that with the Lord on our side you will continue every day to get stonger and stronger. When I am finally allowed to hold you they are going to have to pry you away from me because I will never want to let you go. I love you more than any words can ever express. Stay strong my handsome little boy. I know you have a great mission this is just the first challenge on that mission and I promise your daddy and I will do whatever we can to help you in this life. I love you my little man.

Love Forever,
Mommy

(**As you all know Spencer is now fine 4 years on. He is such a character. He brings so much joy and laughter into our lives. He is constantly making us laugh. He is the sweetest little boy I have ever met. Not an hour goes by in a day when he doesnt come up to me and tell me he loves me, gives me a kiss and a hug. He is such a caring little boy. He loves his sisters so much and is always worried for them. He would do anything for anyone if he thought it would make them happy. Every day I thank Heavenly Father for allowing him to get past those first few months when things were so touch and go all the time. I Love you Spencer more today than I did the day you were born. I never imagined it would be possible but it is true. And I am certain that I will continue to love you more and more every day the rest of your life.)

My Letter to Kaylee

19 December, 2003 8:02am

I am sitting in my hospital room trying to pass the next hour until i can go and see my sweet angel Kaylee down in the NNU. I wanted to write my feelings of this past week down. I wont write the events as this is the only paper I have at the moment but I will write the whole story on my journal once I finally go home. There are no words to ever explain how I have felt since Kaylee has been born. Never did I imagine I could love anyone so much. Before she was born I knew I loved her and how lucky I was to be carrying her, but now that she is here I cant imagine my life without her. She has taken hold of both Lee and mines lives. Never have I ever wanted so much for one person. I look at her and I think there is nothing I would not do for her including give my own life to make her happuy. I am scared of being a mom. I want to be perfect. I want her to have a more fulfilling life than anyone who has ever lived. I want so much for her. I have huge dreams for her. I feel like my life is so complete. I have everything I have ever wanted by having her and Lee as mine for eternity. Never have I ever had more of a desire to do all I can to return to my Father in Heaven. Lee is so taken by her. I think between the two of us one of us is crying all the time, happy tears just thinking about how blessed we are to have each other and Kaylee in our lives. I can not thank my Father in Heaven enough. At 25 years old I feel like I have now just begun to realise the love our Father in heaven has for us, and the love that my parents have for me. I am so thankful for the sealing powers. I am grateful that we have been sealed and that we can have the chance to be an eternal family. I want to do everything I can to teach ehr the ways of the Lord so that we can all return to live with him together someday. I hope in someway I can show Kaylee how important and how much she means to me and her daddy. I love Lee so much more than any words can or will ever explain. I am so grateful for this chance to together raise such a beautiful child. I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for trusting me with this sweet child. I just hope that in some way I can make him proud for sending her to us.

Kaylee I love you. I promise to do everything I can in my powers to make you happy forever. I love you so much. Thank you for making me such a happy mommy. I cant wait until we can go home and can start our lives together as a little family.

I love you forever,
Mommy

(**I hope this makes sense. Remember I had just had a c-section after 82 hours of labour. And I was drugged up still. But I think the just of my feelings comes out :) I am still grateful every day for Kaylee. in the past 7 years she has brought us so much happiness. We have had so many fun times, so many great moments and she is such a special little girl. I love you Kaylee more today then I did the day this letter was written. And I continue to love you more and more every single day.)

Letters

When the children were born while I was in the hospital I wrote each of them a letter expressing my feelings for them at that time. The times when things were most crucial and my feelings for each of them were so new. I went to put Siena's letter in her baby book the other day and thought I would like to pull out the other letters and have a read. Just for fun. When I pulled out Kaylee's letter I noticed that the writing is getting a bit faint and it looks like something might have spilled on a bit of it. I decided I need to put them on here. I will still keep the originals in their baby books but I want to post them here so that I can print them off as part of our family journals.

When Kaylee was born Lee's dad wrote me a letter too. So to start here is the letter which Jeff wrote to me. It is Lovely. Such a nice letter and I thought I would share it with you all.

Dear Alisha,

I hope my note finds you and Minnie doing well, as you haven't picked a name yet Minnie is still an option!

I am so proud to have a daughter like you, I love you just as much and care for you just as deeply as my own children. You are indeed a sweet spirit and you have blessed our lives as well as that of Lee.

I supposed the baby is AWESOME! I cant wait to meet her, she has a wonderful heritage and parents that will bring out all that is best in her.

But this mote is for and about you. You have had a horrid time lately but be assured we were all praying for you. I love you Alisha and have done since we met, you are a fine young woman, I know of no better. When I was small I asked my mother what the word great meant. She pondered and offered this response, when you think of someone and you can think of lots of people who are good but you cant think of anyone who is better then that person deserves the epithet great. So, it is with that definition in mind that i say you are a great girl and will be a great mother.

This mortal life is so a short journey that seems longer than it is because we are impatient, but along the way there are milestones. The first milestone we see tell us how far we are from our starting point, they mark our progress, tell us how far we have come. Later milestones begin to inform us of the distance we have left to travel to reach out destination, they tell us how far we have to go. Parenthood is one of the first type of milestone, it shows you just how far along the lords planned route you have come. Grandparent hood is the first of the milestones that tell us how far we have left to go and so it is a time for sincere reflection.

I hope in my way I have been a good father, I hope to be an exceptional grandfather. I promise you, and Lee, that my little granddaughter will be cherished and loved like no other before her, that is my challenge.

Sometimes it is hard for a father to leave for work when his children are ill, lonely, want him to stay or are simply having fun. There are days that pass in oblivion because your mind is set at home and you are at work. Remember this and make sure that you and Lee spend lots of time with baby as she grows. I shudder when I hear people talk about quality time, quantity of time is best. Someone once said to me if you spend too much time with your children you will spoil them.... wrong.... if you spend too little time with them you will be tempted to spoil them with material things. You can not spoil a child with your time.

Love your child, don't smother her. Spend time with her but don't dote on her. Teach her and help her to stand, but occasionally let her fall.

Remember your priorities 1) the Saviour 2) Your Eternal Companion 3) Your Lovely Child.

Please take care and rest for the holidays because an exciting and busy time lays ahead. I'll see you soon.

Love Always,
Jeff

My Mom's Turning 50

Tomorrow one of my BEST FRIENDS is celebrating her 50th Birthday, My Mommy.

My mom is such an amazing woman. She has so many wonderful traits. I thought in honor of my mommy I would tell you a little about her and what makes her so amazing.

• My mom loves her children unconditionally.
• She is always there to listen when I need someone to talk to.
• She loves the gospel and has such a strong testimony.
• My mom always does what she can to help each of us.
• My mom had 5 children by the time she was 25. Can you say WONDERWOMAN!
  
• She works so hard for everything she has.
• She is a wonderful grandma.
• She always makes me feel better when Im sick. Even at 32 when I dont feel well I want to call my mom for comfort.
• She goes without so that her children dont have to.
• She prays for all of her children and grandchildren all the time and by name.
• My mom makes each of her children feel like they are her favorite and most important.
• My mom is BEAUTIFUL (Im so lucky to have such great Genes!)
  
• My mom always believes in me and my brothers and sisters.
• She always encourages us to be the best we can.
• My mom taught me how to cook.
• She always believes in us. When growing up she always let us follow our dreams and try new things to try to better ourselves.
• My mom always sticks up for us and takes our side... as long as it isnt against one of my other siblings, then she remains neutral (just like a mom should)
• My mom taught me how to be the best mom I can by being the best mom she can be.

Mom I love you so much more than you could even know. When I say you are one of my best friends I am not just saying that I truly mean it. I cant imagine my life without you. I feel so blessed to get have you as my mom and as an eternal friend. Every day I pray that I can be half as wonderful of a mom as you are. Thank you for everything you do for me, for my children and for my other best friends (AKA my sisters and brothers). I cant wait until I am closer so that we can hang out so much more. I look forward to just hanging out and spending time with you again.

My mom and my brother last weekend. I told you she was BEAUTIFUL!

Lee's Birthday - 2011 Edition

On Friday Lee turned 33. I love to make a HUGE deal about Birthdays. growing up my mom always made our birthdays so special and I have carried that one into my little family. When we got up we gave Lee all his bday cards and Presents. Then I made cupcakes for him to take into work and a cake for us for home. He had Chicken lasagna for lunch (one of his favorite dishes which I make) and in the evening we had cake with the kids and Lee and I went out to dinner. We had a lovely time.

I am so grateful for Lee. I feel so lucky to be married to such a wonderful man. He does so much for our family and so much to help me. I couldnt ask for a better eternal companion. I thought I would list some of the many things which I love about Lee Enjoy!

1. He’s loving
2. He’s caring
3. Looks after me when I’m sick
4. Always there when I need him
5. He’s smart (I mean like REALLY SMART)
6. Honors His priesthood
7. Helps me with the children.
8. Always in a good mood. Even when he has had a bad day at work he comes home with a smile on his face and helps me with the children. (Did I mention how Lucky I am?)
9.He goes to the shop for me when I am tired or just dont feel like going.
11. He plays with the children.
12. I love the way he loves them and me both.
13. Patient
14. He tolerates my mood swings (Yep even I have mood swings :)
15. He sticks up for me
16. He puts me first in every situation
17.He makes me laugh
18.He works hard for our family
19. He has a great sense of Humor.
20.He has a great voice
21.He protects me (from others and myself)
22.He still opens the door for me when we have date nights
23. He is sexy
24. He remembers important dates
25. he makes a big deal of my birthday and holidays (which is important to me)
26. He puts up with my craftyness
27.He loves to cuddle
28.He is a great conversationalist
29. He tells me I am beautiful EVERY DAY. A Million times a day!
30.he would rather spend time with me than anyone else.
31.He's not affraid of PDA
32.He's Faithful
33. He's mine for eternity!

I love you babe!

Wont Let Go - Rascal Flatts

I was listening to this song in the car this morning while taking everyone to work and school and I could invision it to pictures of christ and this being like what Christ would say to each of us. So I came home and throughout the day I have been putting pictures to the music. It has litterally taken all day. I mean I started it at 9:30 this morning and it is 11:50 pm and I have just finished the whole thing. But I think it turned out pretty good. What do you think? I even think I am going to use it as my Spiritual thought for Homemaking Honeys on Sunday. Please let me know what you think before then because I dont want to look like an idiot and put it up if it is really rubbish!!

Disney Castle For Sale?

A few years back we took Kaylee and Spencer to Disneyland Paris. While we were there Lee's mom and dad joined for for a couple of day one our trip. Jeff (Lee's Dad) asked Kaylee one of the days if she thought he would be able to move into the Disney Castle, you know the one when you first walk in to the park. Well Kaylee looked at him with her Cheeky Grin and said Grandad its not for sale. Well now anytime Jeff and Sue go to FL for a vacation or sometimes just out of the blue Jeff says to Kaylee do you think that Castle is for sale yet? She always just looks at him, gives him a cheeky (give me a break) smile and says No Its Not For Sale.

Well Jeff and Sue had a vacation to the states and got back on the 3rd of January. Today I got some pictures for the children from their grandad and this was one of them.



I can already imagine Kaylees face when I show her the email from her grandad with this picture. I love the relationship my children have with their grandparents. I hope they will realise just how lucky they are to have such young and fun grandparents. I am only now as an adult beginning to realise how lucky I am to have my dads parents both still with us and how lucky I was until last year to have my moms parents with us.

New Neice and Nephew.... Bitter Sweet

For the past five years Lee's brother, Simon, and his wife, Lisa, have been trying to adopt a child or children. It has been such a struggle for them the system here is so very different than the system in the states. The hardest bit being that you cant adopt a baby because of the rights of the mother. Even if she says she doesnt want the child, the child still has to go into Foster Care for a set amount of time to give the mother the opportunity to change her mind. For this reason most "babies" adopted are about 18 months.

I am so Excited for Simon and Lisa. They are going to make absolutely wonderful Parents. I honestly couldnt be more happy. And I know that their children are going to be so loved, So well cared for, so Happy and just so lucky to have Simon and Lisa as their parents.

They are getting two children A little boy Lewis who was three in September and a little girl Faith who is five, I think in September as well. Beautiful Children. Lewis is a very active 3 year old. Simon says he is very cheeky and veery active too. Probably very much like Spencer. Faith has down syndrom. She has the mental level of a 3 year old. She is beautiful. We have seen video of both Faith and Lewis and they are lovely.

So WHY BITTER SWEET? We were out as a family yesterday. Yep Lee, Myself and our three beautiful Children. and it got me thinking. See Faith and Lewis have been in foster Care since Lewis was 5 months old. The age of Siena. He is now the age of Spencer. I am sure that his whole life his foster Parents have explained to him that they are not his parents and that someday he will likely be adopted. But that hasnt stopped him from calling his foster mom, mom. Or his foster dad, dad. As I looked at Spencer day. I started to get really upset. Ok Im his real mom so maybe my attachment to him is a little bit stronger than Lewis' foster mother is to him, but probably not much. And the other but? There is no way that Spencer is more attached to me than Faith and Lewis are to their "mom" even if she is a foster mom. If all the sudden someone showed up in our home, expected Spencer to call them mom and dad and started telling him that in a few days he was going to leave the only home he evere knew and go live with strangers I dont know what that would do to him. Even as I type this I am crying because I know how scared he would be. Scared wouldnt even begin to describe it. He would be terrified. I can invision him holding onto my legs, screaming while I tried to tell him that this was the best thing for him. That these "strangers" were now going to be his "mom and dad". The adoption process is gradual over a week and a half. Simon and Lisa were introduced to the children last Monday and this Thursday they will take the children home for the first time. They will have new beds, New toys, A new home and more importantly New parents. Yes I am so excited for Simon and Lisa because this is what I have been praying for. Them to have the opportunity to raise children of their own, again because I know what wonderful parents they will make. But since yesterday I have found myself not praying for Simon and Lisa anymore. I have found myself praying for these two beautiful children. I have been praying that the transition will be easy, that they wont be scared, and that Simon and Lisa will have the patience that these children need as they are taken away from the only parents the only home they have ever known, Never to go back. Never to see them again. The system is unjust. It is wrong. This kind of stress should not be placed on 3 year old children. And Simon and Lisa should never have had to wait 5 years to become the amazing parents I know they will be.

Again I hope this doesnt offend anyone. It is not my intention. It is just something I have been feeling and something I cant get off my mind.

An Ahhhh Haaaa Moment

Today while we were in Sunday School I had one of those moments. You know when you are reading the scriptures and all the sudden you know the answer to something. The crazy thing is this wasn't even an answer I was looking for. Well I wasn't looking for it at this point in my life. A few years ago yes, but not now. Let me explain.

All to often I know of women, friends in the gospel who have had miscarriages. I myself had one between Spencer and Siena. And all to often the question arises as to what point does the spirit enter a baby. Is it at birth? Is it before birth? When? Well today we were reading in Luke 1. The Lesson was all about Mary conceiving Jesus and Elisabeth Conceiving John. Well in Luke 1:15 it says: (talking about John the Baptist) "For he shall be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink; and he shall be filled with the Holy Ghost even from his mothers womb." BAM!! I looked at Lee and said Flippin Heck. See the part that got me was "AND HE SHALL BE FILLED WITH THE HOLY GHOST EVEN FROM HIS MOTHERS WOMB" I was thinking there would be no point for a person, wait a soulless body, to ever be filled with the Holy Ghost. To me it was obvious that whilst the mother is carrying that baby its spirit has already entered into its body. I know we don't know at exactly what point but if the scripture says he will be filled with the Holy Ghost even from his mother womb than I would like to think that it is from very early on. At times I have heard it is when the baby's heart starts to beat but that isn't necessarily true. Heavenly Father is a God of miracles. We don't necessarily just stat living when our heart starts beating. While all the cells are forming something spectacular is happening. Something is alive or else the amazing things which happen early on in a pregnancy such as a heart starting to beat couldn't happen. I know this isn't gospel and that there is nothing to support my thoughts, that is nothing other than a whispering of the spirit at about 10:45 this morning while in Sunday School. This is exciting to me because even though I lost my baby at only 10 weeks pregnant my baby's spirit came to earth, gained a body and was taken back by our Father in Heaven because that baby was so perfect it didn't need to be tested or tried.It also confirmed to me that I will definitely have the opportunity to raise that child.... eventually. We all know the saying "Not in my time, but in the Lords time" that is when I will get a chance to raise our "3rd" child.

I hope I don't offend anyone by posting this. It is just something that I felt really strongly about today and I really wanted to put it here so that someday if I need it again I can come back here, read this and be comforted. Or maybe one of you can be comforted in the revelation which I received for myself.

Freezing Fog

I never really knew what people meant by Freezing Fog, until today. I now know that Freezing Fog is where the Fog is so cold the water in the air freezes straight away. Even though we didnt have any snow today or rain the high today was -6C so the trees and grass and well everything just looked so cool. I had to quickly snap a few pictures so that everyone could see what I mean. The trees all look like they have fur on them. So does the grass it looks so Christmasy. When you get close up to everything you realise it is just little tiny icicles all over. Anyway here are a few pictures.

This is a single blade of grass in our front yard. I know it is a long blade, but never mind that. Look how cool the frozen fog is on the blade of grass.

This is the tree in our front yard. The top is a close up of one of the branches and below is the tree so you can get an idea of what I mean by it looks fury.

Christmas Card

So I have been struggling with what to do for our Christmas card. Ive just not got any brilliant pictures of the three children which would work. That is until now. Over the weekend we went up to visit with Lee's family. Every year in their stake they do the Festival of Nativities. First let me tell you I look forward to this every year. I love how it is decorated, I love the Nativities, I love the hands on ideas for children. I think it is a fantastic way to start the Christmas season... centered on Christ. Well this year they had a dress up room where you could dress up like Joseph and Mary. It gave me an idea. I have a daughter who could dress up like Mary, a son like Joseph and a baby. So we did it. We dressed them all up and took a picture for our family Christmas card. It turned out so cute. Then last night I pulled up GIMP and started to edit. I found some free Christmas Digital Scrapbooking pages and went to town. Here is what I have created:



So now my Christmas Cards are sorted and I have just ordered 50 of them. Whoop whoop!! Im so excited. If you want one please email me your address (amwhitfield@gmail.com) I can wait to get them sent out. Im well pleased!

Thanksgiving - 2010

As I sit here this morning reflecting on this past year I am reminded just how lucky I am. I have so much to be thankful for. Of course all the worldly things and modern conveniences I am greatly thankful for. But this year has been one of blessings which havent come from this world. I mean lets face it no blessings really do. I have come to realise more this year than in the past that all the blessings we have are from our Father in Heaven. We have been given so many blessings this year. Father in Heaven has watched over our little family and especailly given us the blessing of the addition of Siena. I wont lie to you it hasnt always been a cake walk this year. We have had our struggles just like everyone else but because of and through the grace of the Lord we have pulled through it, come out on the other side stronger people. So today the thing I am thankful for the most are the blessings which the Lord has given me not only this year but through out my life.

These blessings include first and foremost the most amazing family. I was blessed to be born into the most wonderful, loving, caring, understanding family ever. We stick together through thick and thin and I am so grateful to be sealed to my mom, dad, sisters and brothers forever. For my family now, Lee who loves me unconditionally, even when Im tired and ugly, even when I am in a bad mood, or sick, no matter what he loves me and is forever telling me how beautiful I am and how lucky he is. I love him so very much and am so grateful for him and to be sealed to him for all time and eternity. There is no one else I would want to spend forever with. I am thankful for each of my beautiful children. Each of them bring so much joy and happiness into my life. I cant imagine my life without any of them. They honestly complete me. Sometimes I look at them and wonder what on earth I did to deserve them, They truely are a blessing from our father in Heaven. And lastly but not least I am grateful for Lee's family. I love his brothers and sister and Sister in Law like my own. I dont consider them in laws because they are more than that. They are some of my best friends. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with them and his mom and dad. And I am excited to build my mansion in heaven next to theirs.

Next Blessing includes my friends. I truly am blessed with amazing friends. My PB tells me I have been blessed with a gift to make friends easily and I do. But Heavenly father makes it easy for me because he has put some of the most amazing people in my life and in my lifes path so that I can meet them. I consider my friends to be my family. I am so blessed. I love each and everyone of you.

The next thing I am most grateful for is the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the knowledge that I have of the restored gospel. I am grateful for forever families and that I will no doubt get to see my friends in the celestial kingdom too (If I make it :) ). I love the gospel of Jesus Christ with all my heart. It means so much to me. I do all that I do because of the gospel and to prepare to live someday with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the celestial kingdom. I am grateful for the saviour and for what he did for me to make this posible. I am grateful to Joseph Smith for restoring the gospel. I am grateful for the happiness which it brings in my life. A happiness that money cant buy, that is unexplainable to others who dont have this special gift.

I could go on and list all the things I am thankful for but these are the three most important things to me. And all the other things can be encompassed in the blessings from the Lord. Plus I am sure that you can imagine things to be thankful for.

Lucky Me

Im at that wonderful stage post pregnancy where all my beautiful thick pregnancy hair is falling out, My fingernails are breaking, My beautiful flawless skin is becoming flawed again and I am noticing those 16 pounds I put on during pregnancy were nothing to do with having a baby in there because when she came out they didnt go. I just love the post pregnancy me. Good thing my beautiful babes have all been so worth it!!

Siena Blessing

On the 10th of October we had Siena blessed. It was such a special day for us. I cried most of church as the realisation of what we were doing hit. We were blessing our baby. The same baby we were told we would have to burry once she was born. See when Spencer was born at 26 weeks oddly enough I never really worried about him. I had the assurance straight away from our Father in Heaven that he would be ok. I never got that with Siena, instead I felt scared, worried, unsure how to cope. I spent 3 days after my waters broke at 19 weeks crying. I didnt leave the house, I am not sure I actually left our bedroom. And then one night while I was pleading for Heavenly Father to allow us to raise our baby It was then that I felt that the things which were about to happen were based upon my faith and doing all that my Heavenly Father requires. And those feelings were not feeling of if I did these things I would get the chance to raise Siena now but more that I would be able to raise her someday. So the fact that on this Sunday we were blessing our baby was very.... well I dont know emotional, spiritual, words cant describe. It was for me a day of reflection. A day of realising that God is in charge. That we are here to be tested and tried. It was also a day when I realised I have so much to be grateful for. So much to thank the Lord for every day. Right now all I know is that I am a different woman, again, then I was before I had this beautiful child. My testimony has been strengthened yet again. And our Father in Heaven has yet again taught me a very valuable lesson. One which I am grateful for. He obviously needed to strengthen not only my testimony but the testimonies of those who know us too. I pray that each of our friends and family have at some point felt the spirit through our trial. And that through the difficult time we had and the fasting and prayers which you offered on our behalf that your testimonies were strengthened too. I love you all!

Making Up Dances

When I was growing up with my three sisters we used to do all sorts of things and make my parents watch us. We made up dances, wrote and preformed plays, we even decorated our wagon and would pull it down the street all the while taking turns sitting in in like we were princesses in a parade. Never whilst I was doing these things did I think they were in anyway boring or embrassing for either my sisters and or our parents..... that is of course until last week when Kaylee started to create dances to show us. Here is the latest dance yep it is cringe worthy. It was worse sitting through it in front of her friends mom too. See its bad enough as a mom to pretend something like this is pure brilliance for your own child but when your childs friend does it well that is just pure hell. Besides dancesKaylee has been pulling out the guitar and pretending to play it along to her playhouse disnet CD. Oh dont you worry I will get a video of that to up loads for you to. I dont think I should be made to be the only one who has to endure these "precious" performances. If you are Misty, Desserae or Brittney, I think we owe mom and dad a serious apology for what we put them through all those times!!